I am NOT my story (and neither are you)

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It was whilst having lunch with new friends this week that I remembered I am not my story.

I really enjoy listening to other peoples’ stories; their history of triumphs and failures, joy and loss and the moments they choose to share and believe define who they are. It is a privilege to hear such tales and be trusted not to judge but to listen with an open mind and enjoy a moment immersed in someone else’s world. Though perhaps it is not that I am trusted to not judge but more that they don’t judge themselves for their history, their story, and so it doesn’t matter what I think. I always admire people that have the courage and honesty to just be themselves warts and all.

My journey with my past is an ongoing one and I struggle to admit the recent years of my life when people ask me how I came to be where I am today. I gloss over it as quickly as possible with a series of short sentences that define four painful and embarrassing years of my life because a part of me still feels ashamed. There is a piece of me that is still working on coming to terms with the fact that in the space of four years I was left at the almost-altar by my fiancé just weeks before our wedding, my mother, my best friend, died of cancer and ultimately I lost my career, my home and a whole lot more. Heck, my life was a nightmare at that time and I fought tooth and nail to create something positive from that wreckage whilst also being hideously embarrassed by my circumstances. I have worked on my self-esteem, built a new career overseas and made life choices that have led me to where I am today which is a place of happiness and a lot less drama. I have taken responsibility for my part in each of those moments in my life, I have forgiven others and yet I still feel ashamed to admit it all. I can’t bring myself to say it out loud without turning that series of events into a joke or a flippant tale as I mutter and stare at my glass of wine and shrink into my chair. I am all for listening to other peoples’ vulnerability and stories but less of a fan of sharing mine.

So today I am taking a step away from my shame and a step towards remembering I AM NOT MY STORY by writing that series of events out here. Yes it hurt like hell, it still does on some level, but it does not define me and it changed me in ways I am utterly thankful for. I have more compassion, empathy and understanding than I ever did beforehand and I am adamant that I will use my story to inspire others once I have finished writing it all out in my up and coming book. In the spirit of doing so here is my first admission, with bells on:

I was left at the altar not once but twice.

Yes, you heard me correctly.

I have TWO runaway grooms to my name.

 

I would like to say I feel less ashamed by saying that but I mostly feel like an idiot. On the other hand though, if one person reads this and feels less alone, less embarrassed by their history, then it was worth it. Ultimately all I want to do is help those in similar pain know they are not alone and speak up without shame. If I could survive all of that, which I did, then they can and will too. Keep walking forwards all and don’t let your story, whatever it is, define who you are.

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Inspire Me
Luca’s Cloud What would you do if you were not afraid?
Princess of the Light Seize Every Opportunity
Brene Brown Listening to Shame
Brene Brown The Power of Vulnerability

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12 thoughts on “I am NOT my story (and neither are you)”

  1. Good morning from Las Vegas, NV.
    I enjoyed what you wrote and your choice of words of saying “you are not your story”. Firstly, there is nothing for you to be ashamed of because you didnt leave yourself at the alter twice….right?
    You werent responsible for the things that happened to you. The guy that left you at the altar was an idiot. You didnt need him anywhay!

    What is your name?
    I would like to be friends.

    God bless and keep inspiring.

    Paulette Le Pore Motzko

      1. Thanks Kat
        Trying to make a lovely weekend out of what is left of it.
        Lost $1,150 yesterday…not in gambling but in a CA photo shoot went flop, a web modification the guy changed his mind on and a commission.

        I lives in southern CA over 40 years and moved here to Las Vegas in June 2014.

        Say prayers I start seeing money for the time I invest.
        I joined The Las Vegas Athletic Club last night, so I am gonna go work out and look at the good looking guys while I am at it.

        God bless you Kat.
        Let us connect.
        Find me on Facebook by my real full name
        Paulette Le Pore Motzko

  2. You are definitely not what has happened to you. From meeting you I know that you are inspiring, talented, optimistic, giving with your time and your love. Nothing ever sets you back or holds you down for long. So maybe like a piece of clay events help mold us, but events are not the clay. You should never be ashamed. You are a shining light! I am so proud of you for having shared your story though, because if you can just make one person feel less alone, that is a tremendous achievement indeed. Well done for having the courage to share your story!!

    1. Thank you my dear friend. I wonder if you realise that it is actually YOU that is the talented, inspiring, giving one and I too am so proud of you. Much love as always xx

  3. I know that shame. It stayed with me for many years after my divorce. Oh how happy I am now that I rooted out unworthiness from that pile of rubble. You see….I finally realized that this mindset didn’t start with the end of my 25 year marriage….it started in childhood. I learned from my parents not to feel, just put one step in front of the other and control every circumstance so you won’t have to notice that you aren’t’ measuring up. Whew! What a load to carry. May you continue to heal through awareness……rooting out the secrets that lie hidden within.

    1. Wow what a difficult time you went through but how inspiring to hear your positivity and healing. You must feel so much lighter without that load now – well done you! Thank you for inspiring me 🙂

  4. Wow, what an inspiring post! Thank you for sharing your story (and reminding us that we are NOT our stories). You should be proud of yourself for coming through such a tough time (‘tough’ being an understatement) and creating a new life for yourself. That takes serious guts and determination. Bloody well done. I love your message: “Keep walking forwards all and don’t let your story, whatever it is, define who you are.”

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